Embarrassing stories from childhood, part one.

I finally got my iMac issues all sorted out(had to get a wireless router) so hopefully now updates can be a bit more consistent. I was going to say frequent, but given my schedule the past few days, I'll be out of things to talk about in a week if I post any more often and then this blog will die off until I do something cool or at least kinda interesting. Then perhaps I could write again.


Just so this doesn't feel like a waste of space, here are three embarrassing stories from before I had learned how to remember things:

1: "Is this yo baby?"

I was very young at this time, at the very oldest I could have only been a year and a half old. While my family was living in Wisconsin, the house we lived in had a big screened in porch, complete with doggie flap in the front door. Apparently, while my mother was cooking, she let me crawl/stumble around, figuring I wouldn't get far. Of course, I crawled out the doggie door and into the street. A few minutes later, my mother answers a knock at the door to a stranger holding me in his arms. Even as an infant I wanted to run away, I guess.

2: We wish you a merry Christmas

This was also from the time we lived in Wisconsin. I found a spare bulb for a string of Christmas lights and because babies are stupid, I ate it.

My parents did not find this out immediately, but I'm sure the wait made the surprise even better. I wish someone would have taken a picture of my diaper just so I would have some proof. I don't think anybody else in the history of ever has uttered that phrase before. Ah, the smell of innovation.

3: I really like Ford F-150s.

Around the time I started learning to speak, I had developed a fascination with trucks of all sorts. Dump trucks, fire trucks, pickup trucks, monster trucks, I loved them all. Now, the funny thing with kids and learning to talk is they always have some sort of cutesy speech impediment while the child wraps its brain around the concept of making articulate sounds from organs previously devoted to gibberish, crying, and yelling. I had one such problem that wasn't always so cute.

Trucks are everywhere. And when your toddler loves them dearly but pronounces the letters tr as an f, it can make you never want to take your kid anywhere ever again.

P.S. I know I referred to a child as "it" above... but I dislike using "his or her" so much I'd rather come off as a desensitized asshole than use it. I actually kinda like kids, if you must know.