That's how long I've been an official Indiana resident. That's how long I have been friendless, a budding alcoholic, focusing on assorted art forms to try and relieve the stress, loneliness and alienation I've been dealing with for the past 120 days or so. It's been rough, I won't lie. Shit, why would I lie, on my own blog that nobody even reads?
<explosion>
My best friend is pregnant to a guy she barely knows who is twice her age. My other best friend's girlfriend cheated on him and, it turns out is kind of a whore, which is an extra blow because I thought she was really such a great person and it turns out she's just another fuckin tramp. All the rest of my friends are in various states of upheaval and I'm sitting alone, 400 miles away. I would give anything to be there in the midst of all their misery instead of here in this shitty patchwork house that is constantly freezing. Hell, I would give anything to just be near a sympathetic ear that wasn't family or a coworker. I hate my job. Well, that's not accurate. I don't hate my job. I just don't think I'm cut out for it. I've gained 30 pounds since moving here. I never do anything anymore except work and drink. I don't even really play guitar very much, except in moments of insomnia where I will pick up my acoustic and strum a few chords and melodies before trying to sleep again. I'm trapped in this house with one functional shower that you have to walk through my parents room to get to. There are boxes fucking everywhere, even four months after moving. The US government seems to be turning into a police state, and instead of spending my last days of freedom doing what I actually want to do, I'm working a job that I don't believe I'll ever fully understand, or that I even care to ever fully understand, friendless and melancholy. It feels like the end of the world is bearing down on my shoulders and I would fucking give ANYTHING to just have someone to hold, to make love to, to be passionate with and forget the sorry state of affairs that's crumbling around me. I seem to be watching everything I've known for so long just fall apart in front of my eyes. And I hate it.
</explosion>
